


Wander Home To You

by donghyuckssunflower



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rookies Era, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Slight fluff, Taeyong worries and needs to be protected, i guess, jaehyun just wants taeyong to be okay, netizens are cruel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 11:51:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11850990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donghyuckssunflower/pseuds/donghyuckssunflower
Summary: Taeyong doubts himself because of his past.Jaehyun just wants Taeyong to be happy and realise his worth.





	Wander Home To You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first time writing for this fandom and I've never written these characters before so I'm still finding my writing style for them, I guess? But I've just been hit with a bunch of Jaeyong feels recently and I've been meaning to write something for them for a little while now, so here we go, my first NCT fic - enjoy!

Taeyong sauntered down the pathway with the fulgent glow of the streetlights guiding him; encouraging him with each step. He was somewhat ensorcelled by the kaleidoscope of colours reflected by the streetlights.

 

He knows he should be wary – walking through the isolated streets wasn’t exactly safe, especially considering his semi-famous status as an SM Rookie (even pre-debut he had garnered a fair amount of attention) -  but this was the time of evening he loved most.

 

His breath came out in misty puffs, its fragility causing the cloud to be whisked gingerly away by the delicate breeze. Benches sat yonder lining the park’s path some rotting with age, their deep musky scent polluting the air.

 

It was a frigid evening but buried in the fabric of his fleece-lined hoodie and t-shirt, Taeyong didn’t mind: he was ensconced in his abundant layers, protected by a fort of cotton and fleece.

 

Truthfully he was a little chilly, even with all his layers of clothing on but he didn’t mind. In fact, it kept him awake and helped him to think – to clear his head.

 

That was the reason he had decided to roam around this late anyway; he couldn’t sleep because of the limitless number of thoughts swirling around his head.

 

Although he had been told countless times – both by his managers and by his members –not to read the comments online about his mistakes from the past he couldn’t help it. Once he had read one article, he couldn’t stop and soon he had been through at least eight more about his ‘scandal’ and how he was unfit to be an idol.

 

He tried his hardest every day to ignore it but sometimes he felt – _knew_ – he was dragging the other members down. His past was a hindrance to them more than himself and he hated himself for it, because there was nothing he could do to stop it from affecting his members.

 

They would tell him that they didn’t care, that they still wanted to debut with him, that it didn’t define him as a person but still he found himself distrusting their words.

 

Aware that even if they said they weren’t affected by it, they were because people were refusing to support their group’s debut because of it.

 

Because of him.

 

This night was only one of many where he couldn’t sleep, insomnia doing its best to further ruin what little hope he had. Hope that his past would be forgotten. That the scandal would reverse and people wouldn’t just know him as the boy who was dragging his group down.

 

Now he was adjusted to not being able to sleep and had gotten himself into a habit of going for walks when he couldn’t.

 

If his managers found out he was walking around the streets in the early hours of the morning almost every night he knew they would kill him but he needed to breathe and clear his head.

 

Alone.

 

His wind kissed cheeks were a dappled coral colour and his chapped lips smattered with shades of red. His dark hair was hidden beneath a cap, pulled down low to cover his face a bit so that if he did see someone (which was highly unlikely at nearly one o’clock in the morning but still, it was better to take precautions) they wouldn’t recognise him.

 

With each step he took the sound of crunching gravel reverberated through the small woodland area surrounding the pathway. Although the grass absorbed some of the noise, softening it with its plentiful peridot tentacles, an occasional sharp snap still managed to echo through the blanket of quiet.

 

In the dead of night, it seemed as though everything was asleep; the birds were not singing, the children that would usually be playing had been tucked into bed long ago, even the rowdy teenagers had dispersed.

 

The rainfall from earlier in the day meant that the aroma of damp leaves and decaying bark was heavy in the air, accompanying the sharp sting of the cold wind.

 

The complete absence of human company made it much easier for Taeyong to lose himself and empty his head without worrying about anything. The lack of people soothed his mind which would usually be buzzing with worries.

 

He felt calm – something he rarely experienced except for in moments like these, when it was just him and the night enjoying one another’s company.

 

A small smile flitted upon his face as he rubbed his hands together, hoping the friction would give them some warmth. They had been numb for a while now, along with his mind.

 

His mood dampened slightly as he realised his destination grew dangerously close; he had completed the circuit he usually did and now he was nearing their dorms. His supposed home.

 

Taeyong only had a few more minutes with his mistress; the night.

 

He didn’t particularly want to return to the dorms yet – he wanted to stay out longer, the whole night if possible – but he knew that wasn’t possible and he would have to go back soon. Or they would notice his absence and he would get scolded again by Doyoung or the managers.

 

Taeyong knew they meant well, Doyoung especially, but it was irritating nevertheless because they didn’t understand that he sometimes felt suffocated in their dorms.

 

With all the members he was constantly letting down.

 

With a final sigh, he trudged up the inescapable path to their dorms, slinking into the dimly lit living room once he’d taken off his shoes by the door.

 

The room was already lit when Taeyong entered and he instantly knew the culprit. Mark had left a lamp on. Again. Although the younger would never admit it, Taeyong knew he left it on because he was scared of the dark.

 

Usually he would be bothered by the light being left on but tonight he didn’t mind as much. Maybe it was because he’d relaxed on his walk, or maybe it was because Mark had been working even more than usual to prepare for their debut – they all had really, but Mark especially – and the young boy deserved to be cut a little slack.

 

A flick of a switch returned to lamp to its natural state of darkness. Navigating the other members’ shoes which were strewn on the floor (he made a quick detour to tidy them into neat rows by the door, as they should be), he walked through the dorm and to the kitchen space to get a glass of water to quench his thirst from walking.

 

With his newly attained glass he made his way to the plush, carpeted staircase and began his ascent but rather than going to his own room like he should have, he took a different route.

 

Upon reaching his intended room – Jaehyun and Johnny’s room, he dumped his snapback on the chest of drawers next to Jaehyun’s bed. It was dark so he couldn’t exactly see but he knew where everything was as if it were his own room.

 

Which it might as well have been; he spends more time in this room than his own

 

He tugged off his hoodie and jeans, making sure to fold them up and place them beside his cap on the drawers, so he was in his normal sleep attire: a t-shirt and boxers.

 

Then, as gently as he could he eased into the bed trying his best to not disturb the person who was already occupying the space. The mattress dipped under his small body and after finding his usual space he curled up against the larger boy who was already asleep.

 

Or so he thought; just as he had settled down properly and found a comfortable position he felt strong arms snake around his waist and pulling him backwards so he was even closer to the bed’s other occupant’s broad chest.

 

“Hey.” Jaehyun murmured against his boyfriend’s neck.

 

Taeyong rolled over so he could face Jaehyun. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

 

Jaehyun shook his head so slightly it was almost imperceptible in the darkness of the room. “No, I was already awake; it seems that I can’t sleep without you these days.”

 

“That’s not a good habit to have,” Taeyong teased the younger boy quietly, trying not to wake up Johnny who was sleeping a few metres away. “I can’t always be here to sleep with you.”

 

“Oh really?” Even though he couldn’t see Jaehyun’s face in the darkness, Taeyong could hear the smile in his boyfriend’s hushed voice. “You’re here so much it’s strange to not feel your warmth.”  

 

“Yeah, well. Maybe you’re just too irresistible.” Taeyong was starting to feel the familiar warmth that he felt whenever he was around Jaehyun. It was like all his worries dissipated in the presence of the younger boy.

 

Jaehyun was more of a comfort to Taeyong than he would ever know.

 

Whenever he felt too overwhelmed, Jaehyun would know exactly what to do to make him feel better.

 

Whether it was to massage the tension from the smaller boy’s shoulders, or talk about nonsensical things or even to just leave him alone and keep the others away from him so he could have a moment to collect himself, Jaehyun seemed to know what Taeyong needed.

 

More often than not, the younger boy knew what Taeyong needed more than he himself knew.

 

Ever since he was first unable to sleep, Taeyong would slip into Jaehyun’s bed and sleep there, finding the younger’s presence calming.

 

The other members didn’t know they slept together; Taeyong would slip into Jaehyun’s room after everyone else was asleep and he would ensure he went back to his own room early in the morning. Only two of the members knew of their relationship – Doyoung and Johnny.

 

Doyoung had accidentally found out when he walked in on Jaehyun and Taeyong kissing in their dorm’s kitchen after they came home late from practice. He didn’t mind them being together; in fact he was rather supportive of them because he could see the positive effect they had on each other.

 

As long as they weren’t constantly kissing around him and being too ‘PDA- _ish_ ’ around him he said he couldn’t care less.

 

As for Johnny, he had found Taeyong in Jaehyun’s bed one morning when he woke up before Taeyong had a chance to slip away. He asked them about it and realising there was no way around it, they explained that they were in a relationship inducing a smile and squeal from him.

 

Naturally, with his American upbringing Johnny was open minded and accepting of them, even going as far as wanting to throw them a mini party to celebrate (they settled for watching a movie together because they didn’t want the other’s to know about them yet – especially the younger members. No matter how much Johnny wanted to tell the others, he respected Jaehyun and Taeyong’s decision and settled for good-naturedly teasing them about it instead).

 

Since he had first found Taeyong sleeping in Jaehyun’s bed, he would make sure Taeyong woke up in time to go to his own room before the others woke up. Johnny was always the first to wake up anyway, so he said he didn’t mind doing it. Besides, he wanted to show his support for his best friends as much as he could.  

 

After slipping into Jaehyun and Johnny’s room so many times because he couldn’t sleep, it became a habit for Taeyong and before they knew it they were sleeping together every night with the only exceptions being when they were separated by hotel rooms during their Rookie promotions at the SM concerts they had to perform at.

 

“Anyway, I went for a walk to clear my head.” Taeyong readjusted his position to use Jaehyun’s chest to rest his head on rather than the actual pillow.

 

Jaehyun hummed softly in response and brought his arm up to run his hand through Taeyong’s dark hair. The younger boy was aware that Taeyong sometimes went out after dark because he had too much on his mind.

 

He was also more than aware of the comments netizens had been making regarding his boyfriend’s past and how affected Taeyong had been because of them.

 

Although the elder tried to not let it show, Jaehyun could see that they had gotten to him.

 

Every day he would see a glimmer of doubt in their future leader’s eyes and he knew that more often than not Taeyong would question his importance to the group and whether he belonged.

 

For that, he despised the netizens.

 

They dragged up things that were superfluous to their lives now.

 

The past was the past.

 

Jaehyun had said that so many times to Taeyong, trying to make the elder believe in himself, in his worth, but he knew that it wasn’t enough. Taeyong still hated himself.

 

Jaehyun had no idea how he could help the elder so he tried his best, along with the other members, to shield Taeyong from the negative comments.

 

Jaehyun hoped that people would forget about it all soon and stop attacking their group. They all did. But there wasn’t much they could do; they just had to keep putting forward a positive image as the SM Rookies.

 

Try to erase the past with the present and future.

 

Jaehyun leaned forward slightly and kissed the tip of Taeyong’s nose eliciting a small smile from the recipient. From there, he methodically kissed the elder’s cheeks, forehead, temples and finally his lips.

 

“It will be okay, y’know? You’ve got us. You’ve got _me_.” Jaehyun needed Taeyong to understand that he wasn’t alone, that _he_ was there and _always_ would be there.

 

Taeyong exhaled deeply, letting himself _breathe._

 

“I know.”

 

And he did know.

 

Of course he knew that the others were there; he just didn’t want to burden them with his mistakes.

 

But no matter how many times he said that they would just insist that they would always be there, insist that they were a family and they had each other’s backs. They were going through this together as a family, so as much as he didn’t want them to be affected, they already were.

 

Maybe he needed to depend on them just a little bit more.

 

He just needed to realise that they would all be there for him, always.

 

Jaehyun especially. 

**Author's Note:**

> I did proof read but I may have missed some mistakes so I apologise if I did.  
> Thank you for reading; I hope you liked it! <3
> 
> And most importantly: don't forget to stream NCT Dream's We Young!!! <3


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